Swiping Left To Online Dating


"I believe with all my heart that the cliches are true, that we are our own best friends and best company, and that if you're not right for yourself, it's impossible to be right for anyone." 
— Rachel Machacek, The Science of Single: One Woman's Grand Experiment in Modern Dating, Creating Chemistry, and Finding Love. 

I'm sure there are a whole lot of people out there who have tried some form of online dating before.  Whether it's Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, or whatever, there's too many to keep up with!

I've been on and off many different dating sites for the last few years with mixed success and many interesting stories (I'll have to write a separate post about these haha).  I made lots of matches, chatted to heaps of different guys and even went on a few dates.

With that being said... at the end of last year I decided that in 2019 I would delete my online dating profiles.

Here's why...





1.  I was lonely and bored
Most of the time I would use these apps or sites when I was bored or lonely and mindlessly swiping, searching and chatting to someone seemed to help. 

It was weirdly exciting that I could easily start up a conversation with someone that would instantly fill those voids and if it didn't, I could just keep swiping or searching until it did.  

It wasn't long til' it got to a point where it got harder and harder to fill them.

2.  I wanted a relationship
I'm sure there will be a lot of people who will disagree with me on this point.  For me personally, the people that I have met through online dating have never wanted a relationship. 

Maybe this is because I didn't match with the right people, the filters I applied were too wide, too narrow, I wasn't using the right app or site, or so many other reasons. 

I always found that the people I ended up talking to wanted something, they just didn't want a relationship. 

They wanted someone to talk to, someone to spend time with.  They wanted validation, attention, or to feel good.  They wanted someone to go to a movie with, to have dinner with, or have sex with.  

They just didn't didn't want the one thing I did - a relationship.


3.  I wasn't completely myself 
When talking to someone online, it's only natural that you want to make yourself look good.  However, it's so easy to get caught up in doing this that sometimes it can go too far.  

I noticed that I would start playing down parts of myself that I thought the other person wouldn't like and started to accentuate the parts that I thought the other person would like, all to make myself more 'desirable'. 

I started to take 20 minutes to take the perfect picture of myself and would only put the best ones out there.  I filtered myself in every way I could with the hope that it would make me appear cooler, more interesting or sexy.  It was exhausting!  Essentially I became who I thought I should be instead of being myself.  It ended up having the opposite effect - it took away anything that made me special or me and made me feel dishonest, dull and boring.


4.  It made me crazy 
For those people that have had online dating profiles, you will probably understand how they make you crazy. 

Any spare minute I had I could easily jump on and see whether I had any new messages or matches.  This could be laying in bed, waiting for the barista to make my coffee, at the gym between sets or at dinner with friends.  It was addictive and it was taking over my life.

Not only that, but it is not uncommon to be talking to multiple people at once.  For me, having multiple shallow conversations going and keeping up with them all was exhausting.  

Call me old-fashioned but I would much prefer to meet one person, get to know them and see where things go.


5.  I wasn't happy
It was almost like I was using online dating as an escape from my real life because, well, it's a really good distraction. 

It became really easy to fall victim to, thinking that other peoples validation would make me happy.   And while it did make me happy for a while, I still felt empty.  

It's not until I took a step back and started to look at myself and look after myself that I found this was a really big part of the problem. 

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I can honestly say that the last few months of having no dating profiles has been really, really refreshing.  I'm finally taking some time to learn about myself, what I like and what I want without the distraction of searching for the perfect match. 

I'm a big believer in first loving yourself before loving someone else, so for now, I'm swiping left to online dating. 



Love always, 
- G

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